🖋 How the deeply traumatized person can once again have faith

TRIGGER WARNING...

Every single one of us, as adults on planet Earth, at one point or another, has been traumatized by something. But… some of us have endured a great deal more than others. There are those among you who have not known the inner experiences of deep, suicidal depression or a debilitating fear of other people that led to the isolating agoraphobia. There are many who will never know the feeling of terror and isolation experienced by victims of domestic violence, the freeze response to an unexpected rape, or the inner blame and shame of sexual abuse by a family member. Many will never know the poverty that leads to dumpster diving, the lack of peace within a household with mental illness and neurological differences. Many will never know what it is like to be unloved or abandoned by a parent. But then, some of us have experienced many, or even all, of these things…

For those people… I have cried for you countless times. I have wished that we could find one another to support each other. My heart truly belongs to the deeply traumatized people out there. I feel your pain. I’ve been there. If you ever felt alone, know that I’ve been there too, so you really aren’t alone. I felt unlovable for most of my life, and still struggle most of the time with self-confidence. It’s a painful thing to live in, your own skin. We naturally judge ourselves more harshly than we would, literally, anyone else. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else ever could be. We become paranoid about being hurt again, so we isolate ourselves and push everyone away because it is just too painful to take a chance.

It’s hard as hell to have faith, faith in anything or anyone. You just sit in a braced stance, waiting for the inevitable, the next blow that will knock you down. But sometimes, if you start looking for them, seemingly out of nowhere, there are little glimmers of hope, little opportunities for growth. If you grab a hold of them, and take tiny, little baby steps toward becoming the person you know you are on the inside, you will start a process. In this process, much like living in a cocoon, you are growing into someone else. You are changing who you are on the inside. By surrendering to this process of growth, you are accepting the pain that automatically comes with change. Change is hard, guys. It sucks while you’re going through it. But, there is no change without change. If there is anything in your life that you wish were different, you have to suffer the pain of change. Period.

But…

If imagining yourself living a happier, healthier, more successful life sets you on fire enough to drag yourself through the change, you can and WILL get there. That’s where the faith comes in. You have to believe that you can get there before you will even start to try. But it doesn’t have to be much, the faith of a mustard seed. If you believe you can get through the first step, then take that first step. By taking that first step, you have proven that you are capable of at least taking it a step at a time. But then… you have faith that you can and WILL do it… one step at a time.

Your confidence will grow from that mustard seed. And then you will take even more steps, monumental steps. And then you will tell the mountain to move, and it will. And nothing will be impossible for you.