What is the meaning of the song?
This song was inspired by my experiences with trauma and the stories of others who deal with it. A common feature is the physical manifestation of hypervigilance. The consequence of having stress hormones racing through your body over imagined scenarios is an extremely tense torso, primed for the inevitable attack. This results in painful muscle knots that can resemble being strangled from the inside of your body. You NEVER RELAX. EVER.
According to The Center for Treatment of Anxiety and Mood Disorders these are the symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or CPTSD:
"People who have gone through a long-standing, extremely traumatic situation may exhibit both physical and emotional symptoms related to their ordeal.
Emotional symptoms may include:
- Rage displayed through violence, destruction of property, or theft
- Depression, denial, fear of abandonment, thoughts of suicide, anger issues
- Low self-esteem, panic attacks, self-loathing
- Perfectionism, blaming others instead of dealing with a situation, selective memory
- Loss of faith in humanity, distrust, isolation, inability to form close personal relationships
- Shame, guilt, focusing on wanting revenge
- Flashbacks, memory repression, dissociation
Victims of C-PTSD may also have physical symptoms, such as:
- Eating disorders, substance abuse, alcoholism, promiscuity
- Chronic pain
- Cardiovascular problems
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Migraines"
Some human beings will suffer more tragedy and trauma than others. Life is not a level playing field. Keep that in mind when you meet a stranger. Be kind.
NPR's Not Just For Soldiers: Civilians With PTSD Struggle To Find Effective Therapy
Mind.org's Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
If you think there is ANY chance that you’ve been traumatized by something in your past, you may be fighting demons of which you aren’t even aware. They may be draining your energy, your patience, and your potential. And if it is true, there is NO SHAME in it. We cannot help how things affect us. Any more than we can help where and to whom we were born. Any more than we can change our DNA, and what type of personality we will have, or our physical makeup. Yes, we are responsible for all the choices that we make in response, but the fact of the matter is, things have happened to all of us that were beyond our control. And for many of us, some of those things were traumatizing. You and I are allowed to own that.
If you suffer from the excruciatingly isolating symptoms of CPTSD, check out these books:
Healing Trauma by Peter Levine
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
And this Youtuber:
Tell your stories. Do some yoga. You're not alone. You'll be fine.